Globat Hosting

Hope you don't need fast servers or fast support!

I needed to upload a large number of very small files to my Globat-hosted account. I had found previously that the best way to do this was to upload it gzipped and run a perl script that unzipped it. This was much faster than uploading all the small files individually. Usually it would take a couple of minutes for a very large number of files, as opposed to hours to upload the tiny files one at a time.

Well, this certainly wasn't fast on Globat Hosting. Something that took about 30 seconds to unzip on my not-so-powerful desktop computer took maybe an hour on Globat's servers (which of course are managed using advanced techniques for "optimum performance").

Since we had many more files to upload which would be much larger, this was not acceptable. So I decided to call Globat's "24/7 Signature Support" on their toll-free line.

Well, of course I was put on hold. But I didn't really mind that at first. I had called Globat a couple times before for non-tech support issues, and they had answered quickly and helpfully. Maybe Globat's happy to help as long as you're asking about setting your account up so they can start billing you, but not so interested in helping once you're already paying them.

Anyway, they had that wonderful feature where they tell you what position in line you are. I started at maybe 5 or 6, and progressed fairly quickly at first. Then Globat told me I was number 3 for about 15 minutes. This quickly got annoying as it repeated messages like

We're sorry. All agents are busy at the moment. Please press 1 if you would like to leave a message or hold if you would like to wait for the next available agent.

I began to suspect that Globat's pluralization of the word "agent" was a bit deceptive.

I eventually progressed to 2nd in line, and then 1st:

Your call is now first in line and will be answered by the next available representative. Thank you for your patience.

And that's when things got bad at Globat support. I spent more than an hour on hold while supposedly in first place the entire time. They just kept repeating the phrase suggesting that I leave a message, along with some others, explaining that they have a high call volume, and thanking me for my patience, of which I had not a lot left.

Meanwhile, I decided to try their "LIVE HELP" - Globat's live online chat. I was greeted with

Please wait for a site operator to respond.

This was followed by many repetitions of

All operators are currently assisting others. Thanks for your patience. An operator will be with you shortly.

Finally, after maybe 20 minutes or half an hour, I got the message,

Welcome to GLOBAT chat support! How may I help you today?

I explained that I thought Globat's server was running slow, which took about 10 minutes thanks to the long delays between me typing something and the other guy responding. Finally, he wrote,

when i got to your site it just give [sic] me a globat page that says your site is still underconstruction [sic].

I explained my problem in more detail. And this followed:

Chat session has been terminated by the site operator.

So much for Globat's online support.

Interestingly enough, while all this had been happening I had finally gotten through to someone on tech support. I explained my problem to him. "So you're having problems uploading?" he asked. No, I explained, the uploading is fine, but my script is running at a snail's pace. He said he was not aware of any problems and he would let the Globat server people know "right away." Thank you and goodbye.

So after an hour and a half on hold there was no resolution of the problem by Globat nor any particular indication that it would be resolved. Not even an apology for such a ridiculous amount of time spent on hold.

I gave up even watching to see whether the files were actually unzipping because it was taking so long to refresh the directory listing on my FTP client. Right now I'm just going to give Globat Hosting the weekend and see if they clean their act up.